What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
