I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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