i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
