i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
