I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
its liver damage thursday
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