His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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