he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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