You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your penis caused this!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
