This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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