The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wear drunk well.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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