we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just puked most of my soul out..
And then he peed in my hair
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