as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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