You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
