Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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