There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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