Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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