are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
