Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
