Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
