You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
