You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
