took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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