Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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