one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize