just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pooping to opera.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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