her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize