I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
