he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
