The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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