your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
not ubering you a puppy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
