He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
