im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
