Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
