I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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