Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
