dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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