I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
