One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
