I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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