Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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