Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
