oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
