During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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