so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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