Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
