They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
