there's paper in my vomit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
