Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
