Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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