Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
love makes seman taste better
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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