There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
