I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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