Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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