as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
