Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
