Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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