You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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