I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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