my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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