The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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