I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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