when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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