I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
